Emotional Vegetable

Ok this is one of those days that I can say "Hmm... what should I do next?" and do you know what that implies? Yeah, I actually have free time and I'm in a dilemma as to what I should do ! I'm not sure many of you understand how difficult it is to actually say that when you are stuck in this abyss called Secondary 4 life? Except for my other secondary 4 friends that is.

You know recently I'm starting to lose this strong urge to actually study hard for my 'O's.

Taking a look at my life now, it seems to be going downhill. I used to consider them good friends, but now I just secretly curse them as materialistic hypocrites who don't give a shit about loyalty or friendship. When they giggle and joke around I just feel like throwing my Social Studies file into their fake faces. Shut them up. Yeah well fuck you and your sissy sense of humour.

Plus, I'm just so caught up in tuition and schoolwork, sometimes I just forget to do some homework. That teacher walks into the class, snobbishly exclaiming " Whats wrong with you Nicholas? You used to be good." and I'm forced to say nothing because "she doesnt accept excuses". Whats wrong with me? Whats wrong is that every single day of every single week I have tuition classes or Co-Curricular Activities that what little time I have left I use it to finish homework, leaving me with no more than 3 hours a day to catch some sleep. That's what wrong with me.

And when you don't get enough sleep, you get sick. So pardon me for sneezing so often in class. It only gets worse when those phony bastards make fun of your condition. 'Bacteria boy' is what they call me sometimes. You may laugh at it now, but I didn't find it the least bit funny when they joked about it. Only showed what kind of values your fucked-up parents imbued into you.

Sometimes I think this is karma's way of fucking with me. I believe in karma. I believe that what comes around goes around. And I know that I really messed up some people's lives.

But you know what? Karma isn't going to stop me. I won't care if I have no friends in class. I'll just sit in the front and pay more attention. I won't care if that teacher ridicules me in front of the entire class. I'll just put more effort into her work and shut her up.

I'm getting that 6-pointer by hook or by crook.