Swan Song

So I'm going to leave blogging till every weekend. I'm starting on a plan that minimises my time on the computer. In fact, I do feel that I don't even need to turn the damn machine on. And very ironically, I have my father to thank. He made me realise in Secondary One that I did not need the computer to breathe.

And when I say "minimise", I really do mean no more malicious yet extremely juicy comments about Kuan Ting on Facebook. No more "like"-ing of anti-Jerome forums sparked off by resentful ex-girlfriends. All 2 of them. Sigh.

By the way, jokes on Facebook can go wrong. Very badly. I accurately pointed out a spelling mistake in one of Kuan Ting's post . He said " I felt nonstalgic about 2 egg roti-pratas I ate this morning " (or something along the likes of that) and I emphasize " nonstalgic " which the Anglo-Saxons did not in fact create.

Being the kindly friend that I am, I pointed out "I felt nonstalgic too" , pointing out the mistake clearly in a humorous fashion. Alas, people did not see the error of his ways, and continued to discuss about the advantages of curry with prata. And I appeared as the crazy, slightly nosy dude who makes no sense. Classic example of an Epic Fail.

Moral: Public jokes aren't worth it because normal people don't get them.

Back to the gist of of the supposedly-stirring blog post.

So guess what. Somehow the stars aligned with me today, and I managed to make it home by 3p.m. when I was dismissed at 2.35 p.m. (I have 2 friend(s) in class so I really have no obligation to stay back) Complete with a pack of mixed rice and a copy 8-days. With a cover of Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattison and Lamma Boy I might add.

By 4.p.m. I had completed all my homework (for today) and I was pondering whether to write an extremely long blog post about the virtues of the Lord of the Rings. Or I could take out my yellow file and actually write things on my Geography holiday homework.

Somehow, the responsible dude tucked away in some dark, emo-esque corner of my brain popped out and sang a song called " Do your fucking homework ". Chords are C, G, Em and F.

*I think "Responsible Me" is African-American.

Anyway, that was exactly what I did. So even with the allocated T.V. timeslots of 6 to 6.30 ( How I Met Your Mother ) and 9.p.m to 10.00 p.m.(Glee), I actually handled 8 whole Geography questions.

That's a whole 8 of them! In one day! 8 Frikkin Geography questions!

And then it really struck me how much I could accomplish per day if I maximised my time. No computer. At all. No staying back. These are inherently all my "Interferences" in my "Results=Potential-Interference" equation. And this is all very relative to Mr.Kamal's usual speech about productivity and his metaphor of how the Flash bends time or how Ezio/Altair kicks some serious templar ass.

*For the record, Batman can totally kick the Flash's ass. I know we love Bart Allen/Wally West/Barry Allen, but dude. Batman has the brains and the Batmobile. Special emphasis on the Batmobile.

*Second note. I never actually thought that one day I would see the trailer to Assassin's Creed 2 in class. Mr.Kamal made me think twice. He is truly amazing.

So my point really being, in a totally non-cheesy way, there is so much more that you can do if you identified the "interferences" in your life and removed them. Sure, keep those that have a special meaning to you and you really find joy in. For me, it's "How I Met Your Mother". And damn your "But I find lotsa joy in all my interferences" .

We all know it's the frikkin 'O' levels, so word of advice? Screw Mousehunt.

Addio Amico. I'll be seeing you this Saturday.

Oh Beth What Can I Do?

I am experiencing something novel. I believe at least 2 more people ( as opposed to the usual 1 ) are visiting my blog on a frequent basis. Thats a staggering ... * whips out calculator ... 512% increase.

*Travels to the bathroom for 2.31 minutes to weep in joy

*Returns and composes himself

How fondly I recall the days of yore when my blog was merely a platform for me to discuss Deadpool's latest underwear pattern or my thoughts on the most recent video game. Now I'm relatively pressurised to write non sequitur jokes about cultivated beans and Indian food.

By the way, something merry happened today. I got my very first certificate of appreciation from Mrs. Poh, which I believe has something to do with me being the top 3 in the level for Combined Humanities. If you are in search of self-praise and how ridiculously simple this feat was, you are at the wrong blog. This is the one you're probably looking for. :)

And I shall continue.

I felt a slight tingle of contentment and bliss as students from 4/1 shook my hand me as an acknowledgement of my achievement. Of course, with the exception of Kuan Ting, who promptly ( and very painfully ) slapped me at the back of my head . Don't ask me why. The fella has hysterics at the mention of the word "Mozambique".

To end of today's post, I wanted to share with all 3 of you, my most beloved advertisement so far.

It's so cute and endearing. PLUS, it serves as fertile ground for me to make petty insults regarding Jerome's command of Chinese. I know, I know, "But Dude you got a B3 for 'O' Level Chinese! ", Please do kindly filter all "Nicholas-is-a-Chinese-newbie" jokes you've created in the tagboard.

Livin on a prayer

I can't believe I have no homework to do!

Well, in a strictly technical sense. Because, y'know, I'm waiting for the answers to magically materialise on the school portal before I do anything. ice creams have no bones.

But you know what that means.

LOTR !!!

You make me wanna die

Kuan Ting said I lost my great touch on humor. On Facebook.

That's like saying Master Yoda lost his friggin connection to the Force.

Well.

That was really hurtful.

It was so hurtful I cried myself to sleep last night.

It was ugly.

By the way, Frodo and pals have reached the Council of Elrond, and things are really starting to spice up!

Duplicity

Damn it.

I should label my blog "Hypocrisy for the Teenage Soul".

It's 3.p.m on Saturday and I'm left with 15 Geography Questions. All I want to do is read my LOTR novel, which is getting really fascinating now that Frodo has met Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli, who happens to be the funniest dwarf around. Apart from Kuan Ting of course.

Should I just forsake the damned questions and read my book? (which of course is a far more heartening, pleasant and educational experience)

It is my life

I'm cutting my Joke of the Day section.

I attribute the failure of my latest joke to ...

a) Withdrawal symptoms from a caffeine overdose ( apart from lethargy, lethargy and wait for it ........ lethargy )

b) The sudden appearance of a commercial for Eclipse.

c) The Law of Diminishing Returns

You see, William Shakespeare didn't create an epic theatrical play every day. Leonardo Da Vinci didn't paint an uncanny portrait of a relatively unsightly woman once daily. Nicholas does not produce a non sequitur joke everyday!

Artists like us, we need inspiration. And that's what I'm lacking when I'm doing abysmal Geography questions in my room. I really cannot produce something intrinsically funny when I'm looking at questions about why this rock looks so funny. By the way, the answer for that is weathering and erosion. Weathering and erosion.

So I have decided to leave my joke section alone so my existing creations become classics. And that's what we should aim for. Classics.

I quote Mr. Kamal and The Law of Diminishing Returns: The more you experience something, the less gratification you derive from it. Essentially, Familiarity breeds Contempt.

In the mean time, enjoy my previous jokes or listen to Kuan Ting trying to imitate them while frenziedly giggling like a pixie on drugs, which I find is far more humorous. :)

I played my part so play your game

I almost forgot to give Kuan Ting his daily dose of ecstasy.

Joke of The Day

What did the apple juice say to the banana?

Potatoes are places to find farm animals.

Shot through the heart and you're to blame

The day didn't start well. I drank 2 cups of coffee to keep myself awake while studying for the Social Studies Continual Assessment Three and, well, I didn't think that it was great. And while writing my Structured Essay Question, I was annoyed for approximately 300 000 milliseconds by certain short and stout individuals saying, "Oh my gosh! Nicholas hasn't finished his SEQ?" *in the most god-awful condescending and annoying tone.

I was tempted to grab his puny head and place it forcibly through my inexplicably vandalised table. And then I realised it was a felony to do so plus I would waste 2 seconds hurting him. Weighing the pros and cons, I continued on the essay.

But the day started to pick up.

I realised that it was also "NCC outing day" and what an outing it was. I guess it really started when Ryan and I instinctively ran away from our Indian acquaintances. Anyway, ran we did, and we ran all the way to Raiders Local Area Network cyber cafe, the first stop of what would be a fantastic day.

You see, LAN, as much as it is a haven for teenage males who flunk their exams, it is also a cache of intrinsically exciting video games. Amidst the malodorous smell and pitch-black darkness, we have to liberty to shout "Loser" , "Hell Yeah", and "Oh My God" amidst other ridiculous stuff. Through the game Defense of the Ancients, commonly abbreviated as DotA, we form two teams of individuals and set out to obliterate the other teams, characterized by silly-looking avatars.

The entire process starts with us forming witty names of the girls we are supposedly in love with or our latest joke about diarrhea.

Common names

PinkDolpinx333

PinkPangSaix333

Vinesha

Tabitha

Omar the Sai

XiuMing the Sai

Kermit

Ip Man

My Favourite Sex Postion

Sexbomb

and of course .... Fern

This is often followed by us teaming up to kill Omar and Nicholas occasionally screaming humorous threats. Sometimes, we do the most ridiculously funny stuff or get stuck in awfully unfortunate predicaments that make us laugh for 10 minutes. And that is inherently the joy that lies within visits to LAN cafes.

And in the end, when we cause gargantuan trees to burn by hitting it repeatedly, we raise our fists and holler in bliss and ecstasy. And we open our palms and high-five one another with the utmost force, victorious, unbelievably delighted and so glad that we have our best friends to share the moment with.

Moving on from my exceptionally descriptive essay about LAN games.

We were on the fence as to what movie we wanted to watch. Initially, it was decided as The A-Team then it swerved between She's Out Of My League, Toy Story 3 and we finally ended up with Ip Man: The Legend is Born.

Omar, of course, is Indian in nature and understands as much Chinese as I do, yet he watched the movie with us, which of course deserves honorable mention!!!

Before that, we grabbed a bite at Popeyes where we encountered Kuan Ting and his female friends. I vomited for 2.21 minutes and proceeded to order two large mashed potatoes. Of course, Kuan Ting was laughing at the potatoes the whole time.

After listening to Kuan Ting giggle hysterically at cultivated plants, we entered the Eng Wah theater, which was 91% empty and a source of much laughter for us boys. Given that the theater was relatively vacant, we were essentially free to do ludicrous stuff. Xiu Ming was laughing at the bleached ceilings and somehow it led to a discussion of how to accomplish an extraordinarily powerful ejaculation.

And of course, the movie was pretty nice. Omar punched me in the stomach trying to imitate the iconic Ip Man, which also happens to be a great example of globalisation. All over the world, 16-year-old Indian boys are hurting their friends in an attempt to emulate kung fu masters. In fact, we even learned that Indians have their own form of deadly martial arts. Quoting Omar, "The Staff Skill of Death"

So guess what. We went for another hour of Local Area Network gaming, seeing as the day was still gay, at Good Speed cyber cafe. That repugnant wave of instant noodles overwhelmed me in nostalgia. I guess Omar phrased it the best when he said, " Some things in life don't change. Like the LAN shop uncle. "

As we walked along the return path from Good Speed cyber cafe, (walk down the spiral staircase, walk straight and take a right), I inexplicably felt blessed. Blessed that I discovered these wonderful and incredible people.

So I'll finally admit that I really dislike my life in class. I'm often alone, mostly because I'd rather go home than play basketball. I refuse to pander to people unlike certain annoying and diminutive individuals. The people I dislike are those that are dreadfully conceited and stuck-up. Such as the one who can only whisper sinfully to the ultimate aficionado of cosmetically-altered Korean girls. These people are noteworthy academically but as subtle as sin. And I still can't stand the fact that they dislike most of my best friends.

But you know what? All that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because I have the greatest friends in the world.

Knock knock!

Okay, I'm just going to unleash a joke upon the mortal world so that Kuan Ting can laugh and convulse uncontrollably for 2 hours and 13 minutes, and then I'm gonna study for Social Studies. Accursed holiday tests ...

Joke of the Day

What is the difference between a lemon and Deepak?

They are both citrus fruits. Except for Deepak.

The Blind Side - A Review

What was supposed to be another 4 hours of SS reviews and comments about bars that patronize homosexual individuals turned out to be ... an Academy award winning film starring Sandra Bullock!

The Blind Side is a solid piece of well-acted, inspirational entertainment that has garnered multiple awards, primarily for Sandra Bullock's absolutely stunning performance, and with good reason. Well, the movie, based on true events, takes us along on the journey of Michael Oher, a stellar NFL Football player, from his days of homelessness to his rise as one of the greatest football players the world has seen.

Michael begins the film living on the couch of a family who wants him out of the house. Thrown out into the streets, the hulking Oher is stranded in a primarily-white school without a roof over his head nor any real means of supporting himself.

That is when Leigh Anne Tuohy (Sandra Bullock) and her husband Sean come into the equation. The benevolent Leigh Anne discovers that "Big Mike" is virtually homeless, and offers him a place to stay for the night. Yet, what began as a simple act of compassion gradually developed into a life-changing experience for Micheal and Leigh Anne's family.

What really amazed me about the movie was in the small things. How Oher neatly arranged the blankets offered to him by Leigh Anne. How "Big Mike" selflessly hurt his own arm to ensure the safety of his foster brother. The way Coach Cotton threw himself in front of the referee to protect the rights of one of his players. And it is really these rare gems in the movie that make the film what it is. A subtle, heartwarming tale.

The actor behind Oher (Quinton Aaron) does a wonderful job as well. Oher, is in his essence, a character of limited intellect but limitless compassion and the actor flawlessly conveys a world of emotion through his thoughtful gazes and simple glances. The film is without an excess of dialogue and yet I am left completely engrossed in Michael and what lied in store for the gentle-giant. That, my friend, is good acting.

Alas, Sandra Bullock steals the show as the shrew yet infinitely compassionate soul Leigh Anne. She embodies inner strength and power in women and yet deep down within, we see a kindly being who chose to take in an oversized, homeless black man wandering in the streets. She is truly the epitome of all of what it means to be a mother.

The show left me chuckling, smiling but most importantly, it left me contemplating. Contemplating about leaders. Contemplating about compassion. Contemplating about honor.

In spite of all that talk of video games and anything slightly related to testosterone, I'm always looking for a rousing and stellar movies where good things happen to good people. The Blind Side is one of those films. It is an excellent piece of art that is warm and emotionally gratifying, peppered with humorous performances by young actors and a portal into the amazing story of Michael Oher. You would do good to watch it.

4/5 stars by Nic.

You give love a bad name

English

A-Math

E-Math

Chemistry

Physics

Geography

Take a whiff of my homework supremacy, little elves. Take it all in. What's that I hear? Panic? In all your brains, behind a little curtain, there's a little Nicholas laughing at you while eating some French Fries. He's laughing at the guy who writes "Ask me to write nice lies about you by clicking this button right here " on his Facebook wall instead of writing on his holiday homework. By the time he has finished commenting about how the guy he knew at nursery had the best hair ever, it's 6.30 a.m. on the 28th of June and fortunately for him, he completed the worksheet called "Ohmyfuckinggod, I screwed up my holidays".

Shamelessly boasting about my incomplete homework and insulting the Facebook society? Check.

Onwards, with my thoughts on the new video game The Force Unleashed II, Cliché nerd-splosion imminent.

So Omar and I (Sounds like a name of a romantic-comedy), were discussing about the latest information regarding Starkiller, the "awesome-st" Star War's guy around. He's got the intensity of Darth Maul, a strength in the Force comparable to Anakin Skywalker, Darth Vader's emo-style and a testosterone level as high as mine. The latter, being his most important trademark.

So in the original Force Unleashed, we got to play the original Starkiller, crazy Force powers and all. And apparently, in the final scene of the game, he died after a larger-than-life showdown with The Emperor. So when they presented The Force Unleashed II, I'm really thinking "How in the name of Vader is the guy still alive"? Alas, my ideas of revival via Darth Sidious' "I used to have a teacher who couldn't die" spell were shattered with newfound information that the protagonist of the second game was actually a clone of the original., albeit with the memories of the original.

In theory, this is highly logical, if we reference it to early Sith teachings by Darth Bane. In the novel, Path of Destruction, Darth Bane says, "Don't fight in the forest. Burn it". Here. Vader doesn't just eliminate Starkiller as a threat. He understands the overwhelming potential of one of the most powerful beings in the galaxy and clones thousands of him as his personal army of the ultimate Sith warriors. Which is, of course, highly reminiscent of the 501st legion or Hitler's SA army.

My problem lies with the clone. When we think of clones, what do we think of? We are reminded of empty shells of what it used to be, beings that can never replace the original. Think the Clone Army vs. Jango Fett. I find that the mass production of common market goods is a good metaphor. Basically, none of them are original. So exactly how viable is a clone as the protagonist of a game? When we look for protagonists in an entertaining medium such as video games, we look for people who embody the inner strength and skill that we wished we had in reality. Someone whom we would be proud to "control". Most importantly, it's all about how we can relate to him/her, such that the game becomes a personal and satisfying experience.

In order to achieve that, the protagonist has to have a decent level of humaneness in him or her. He or she has to have the heart and the soul.

Can we truly relate to a clone? Does it possess the adequate elements to make us bond with it? That remains as a question unanswered. I think that LucasArts is making a big risk placing a clone as the star of one of their big video game franchises but if they can pull this off (after all, the clone does have the memories of the original), it would truly be another Star War's experience that ranks high in the awesome list.

Joke of the Day

Q: What is the difference between a fern and a roti-prata?

Ans: 24, because ice-creams have no bones.

Coffee, tea or me?

I'm finding the Lord of the Rings books, a little ... unbelievably awesome. I mean, like right now, Frodo like just got The Ring from his uncle Bilbo Baggins and its starting to corrupt him and stuff. He doesn't do his homework !

Don't we all wish we were like Hobbits? Life in the Shire is so simple and relaxed, its ideal. I mean, they like harvest carrots and battle gargantuan dragons for fun. They don't do Chemistry papers and have "surprise" tests and afternoon lessons just because iFins says so. Hobbits meet friendly feathered creatures and nomadic wizards. We have Meet-The-Parents sessions.

Moving on from the uncanny parallels between friendly woodland people and messaging systems from Hell.

So I completed like 3 out of 4 Physics papers in one day. Dude, that must be a world record in the The Guinness Book of the World's Most Useless Records! I should be right behind The World's Hairiest Feet and The Greatest Number of Grammatical Mistakes in a Single Blog Post .

Yeah, and then I rewarded myself by watching Toy Story 2 with my cousins, who also happen to be 6-year-old girls . Somehow or rather, I was laughing more at the cartoon than them. Of course, I was laughing in a cool ... manly fashion.

I should really sleep now. Caffeine makes me drowsy.

Joke to be utilised by Jerome on his blog, and then to be made fun of by humans of the female variety, which truthfully really hurts my manly feelings, all one of them

Two penguins were hanging out at the bar

All of a sudden, one of them says, "Where's the alarm clock?"

Fake ass girls all know your name know

I need an alarm system in my house
So I know when people are creeping about
These people are freaking me out (these days)
It's getting hectic everywhere that I go
They wont leave me alone
There's things they all wanna know

I'm paranoid of all the people I meet
Why are they talking to me?
And why can't anyone see?

I just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Don't really care about what happens to me
I just wanna live ("just wanna live, just wanna live, just wanna live x2")

I rock a law suit when I'm going to court
A white suit when I'm getting divorced
A black suit at the funeral home
And my birthday suit when I'm home alone
Talking on the phone got an interview
With the Rolling Stone they're saying
"Now you're rich and now you're famous fake ass girls all know your name
And Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous your first hit aren’t you ashamed"
Of the life, of the life, of the life we’re living

I just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Don't really care about what happens to me
I just wanna live

Stop your messing around boy
Better think of your future
Better make some good plans boy
Said every one of my teachers
Look out better play it safe you'll never know what hard times will come your way
We say where we're coming from
We've already seen the worst that life can bring

Now we get expect it everywhere that we go
All the things that they say
Yeah we already know

I just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Don't really care about what happens to me
I just wanna live("just wanna live, just wanna live, just wanna live")
I just wanna live("just wanna live, just wanna live, just wanna live")
I just wanna live("just wanna live, just wanna live, just wanna live")
I just wanna live("just wanna live, just wanna live, just wanna live")
I just wanna live

You will like me when I'm angry

IGN deemed "Rage" (by id Software, the developers behind the original Doom 3) the best of E3. E3 being Electronic Entertainment Expo and the Mecca of all gamers. I have quite a no. of dreams and one dream that ranks high in the list is definitely to visit E3 one day. E3 2020 perhaps?

Anyway, the setting for "Rage" is an arid post-apocalyptic world, which has become highly prevalent in recent times, think Fallout 3 and Borderlands. And you, my very lucky friend, happen to be a survivor from the past, a participant in the 'Ark' program, which inferentially preserved you in (hopefully) solid carbonite, only to be born anew in a world that is a sick reflection of that in which you once were.

The game, very interestingly, integrates vehicular combat, role-playing and first-person action gameplay. It would be as if Fallout had intercourse with Need For Speed, only better.

The art direction itself is highly reminiscent of other post-apocalyptic games like Borderlands, although the character models reminded me of the psycho artists and scientists from Bioshock. Rage also has parallels with Bioshock in that it features combat elements such as electrifying the water beneath an enemy to shock him.

I am pretty excited for this game, which is slated for a 2011 release. I still remember last year, where one of the more prominent games at E3 was Mass Effect 2. God, I was hyped.

Dudemeister

Methinks it's amazing how approximately 12 hours later, I',m still humming to "I just wanna live" by Good Charlotte. Actually it's a combination of the theme to "How I Met Your Mother" and "I just wanna live", but if you close your eyes and listen really really closely, it actually sounds like waves in the ocean.

Facebook is such a delight. People can embarrass like that *snap. Don't like someone? Write it down on your status. Have people who have nothing better to do come and discuss about the problems this guy brings to society. Write degrading messages you were always afraid to say and insert some "XD"s here and there so that you don't look "mean". Hmmph, social networking sites.

By the way, my LOTR books just arrived. I'll tell you dear mortals, tis' not just a mere delivery. It is a beginning. It is a start of an epic journey. A quest to become lead writer of BioWare gaming studios. Maybe assistant lead writer but still ! And before I lay down and rest, let me bestow upon you ...

Nic's attempt at creating a quiz because truthfully, he has nothing better to do

Do you like the Twilight franchise?

a) Yes
b) No
c) OMFG TEAM EDWARDDDDD XD XD :) :) :) :D :D :D :D

Really?

a) Yes
b) No
c) TEAM JACOBBBBBBB !!!!!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D

The Star Wars saga is ...

a) Awesome
b) Awesome
c) AWESOME *at an increased volume

A synonym of "cool" would be ...

a) Nicholas
b) All of the above

Which of the following statements is true?

a) Justin Bieber has a pair of fully-functioning testicles
b) Ethanol reacts with Ethanoic Acid to produce Ethyl Ethanoate and Water
c) Kuan Ting smells like flowers blooming in the morning sun

How I Met Your Mother is ...

a) a really mean thing to say to someone
b) the best sitcom on TV right now
c) All of the above

If you answered b) to questions 1 and 2, we share the same sentiments! How cool is that !

If you answered c) to questions 1 and 2, I refuse to acknowledge you. A little part of me dies whenever I do that.

Funny interview

Screw that previous joke. I found a funnier one on Facebook.

Social Interview

"Do you think Choong Xiu Ming has a crush on you? "

Tan Kuan Ting says, " He literally crushed me lar. Laughing-Out-Loud "

Get it?

Crush? Crushed?

The question meant whether Xiu Ming has a a secret infatuation with him, and Kuan Ting, *chuckles* through an intelligent play on words, very cleverly twists the meaning of the word "crush" into that in which Xiu Ming, "impales" him rather painfully ... because Xiu Ming is large.

I just want to live

Welcome to your daily scoop of Nic's ridiculous holiday life.

So I'm finally settling into the sleeping hours that normal people engage in. Well it isn't really perfect its kinda like sleeping at 9pm and waking up at 4a.m. I guess being a teenage vampire just wasn't my thing. Oh my god, did I just make a comparison between me and *gulp, You-Know-What ?

*Human beings of the male variety gasp in disbelief

I thought that today was pretty interesting. I woke up at like 5 in the morning. Had my daily dose of Kokocrunch ( you know, for that great chocolaty taste? ), and then I watched Glee for an hour. Which does not make me homosexual in any way.

Yeah, and I started feeling just a little tired, so ... I had some coffee. and I'll tell you, caffeine makes you do crazy stuff. I'm talking crazy as in Eclipse coming out crazy. So I started getting increasingly hyped ...

All of a sudden, "I just wanna live" by Good Charlotte started playing on the computer and"BOOMZ", it was like an explosion of testosterone. So you have this topless 16-year-old boy singing " fake ass girls all know your name now " at 10.a.m in the morning.

That, my very amazed friend, is an average Friday of the June Holidays.

Joke of the Day

Peanuts are like bicycles.

They don't bathe.

You have a new text message.

"I'm so busy got nothing to do, spent the last two hours just tying my shoe"

Dude right now, I'm feeling that that's the complete opposite of my life. What I would give to just spend my time tying my shoe.

Words alone cannot describe my immense hatred for Chemistry papers. Actually they can, I just wanted to sound more dramatic than usual. But they do suck oh very much. I spend half of the time worrying whether or not I phrased something correctly. I'm so tired of ...

"Explain why this oil smells this way",

"Explain which of these fluids will produce something white"

"Explain why so and so produces a pungent gas"

I dunno, maybe he ate something gassy for breakfast?

By the way, WHERE ARE MY LORD OF THE RING BOOKS ?! Amazon is so sluggish. I'd bet that their delivery boy ran away with some female dog or something. That's why we trust Fedex.

They live to deliver.

Funny anecdote about Greek gods

So instead on finishing my Chemistry structured questions, I began reading about Greek mythology on Wikipedia since, like 9a.m.

Thought that this was pretty funny.

So, Hephaestus, the Greek god of technology and metallurgy, son of Zeus and Hera, wanted to mate with Athena, the goddess of war, strategy and wisdom. However, the picky shrew resented Hephaestus because he was lame, not in the sense that he was not proficient with the jokes, but that he had trouble walking. This made Hephaestus grow mad and forceful, and just when the dude was about to ejaculate, Athena disappeared from the bed. Hephaestus' bodily fluids landed on Gaia, the primordial being representing Earth, and henceforth Athens was born. :)

I gotta tell you, from my readings, the Titans and the Olympic Gods were an unnaturally horny and fertile bunch. Almost every sexual encounter resulted in the birth of some new dude with a funny name. That's way, 3 hours later, my browser is still stuck with tabs of all these Greek beings, because I have this uncontrollable urge to know more about these people with silly names. God, Greek mythology is complicated.

Likes and Dislikes

I like rainy mornings. I like rain ... in general.

You know what I don't like? Chemistry papers.

You know what else I don't like? Chemistry papers.

Things I don't like: Chemistry papers.

Hey did I mention anything about that thing that I don't like?

Who you gonna call?

Cool, Deadpool's gonna be in Marvel vs. Capcom 3. You can really tell that Deadpool is rising up from a third-tier-who-in-the-name-of-Thor-is-he Marvel anti-hero to a leading comic book character. I attribute his success to the show-stealing Wade Wilson (portrayed by Ryan Reynolds) in Wolverine:Origins. Ever since then, Deadpool has starred in Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 and the soon-to-be-released Marvel vs. Capcom.

Deadpool has always been one of my favourites, alongside Daredevil and Bats of course. I mean, he breaks the fourth wall (one of my favourite forms of humour I might add) and brings comical joy to any graphic novel he's in.

Plus, he has pretty awesome powers. Many think that Deadpool does rather poorly in the skills department. They also do not know that he has a healing factor that surpasses Wolverine. That's right. He's imbued with a new and improved healing power based on Wolverine's natural one. He heals faster than Wolverine. He teleports. And he uses katanas and sub-machine guns as weapons.

If my all-time favourite Batman and Deadpool were to engage in an ultimate fight, I would say that Bats would definitely win (He has the Batmobile! and ROBIN! ) but Deadpool would probably make the iconic Batman chuckle before Bruce Wayne lands the final blow. Boomz!

That's how awesome Deadpool is.

Maths papers at their best

ROFL this is just so hilarious.

I would like all of you to turn to your holiday homework. Specifically Chung Cheng High School E-Math Paper 2. Turn to the very last question. Question 10. Turn to it right away.

"Alexis was given a cumulative frequency curve to help her complete her school assignment. .... However, her 3-week old iguana chewed a portion of the paper off.

Dude, you have no idea how much I cracked up when I saw this. Who the hell cares how old the friggin iguana is? LOL who cares ?!?!

Iguana?!?!?!?! How unbelievably random is that???!!! It sounds like it belongs to my joke section !

"Peter was reading a book ..... and then his iguana ate it"

Roll-on-the-floor-laughing-my-ass-off!!!!

So I'm like listening to the theme of "How I Met Your Mother", and this sentence pops up, and I chuckle uncontrollably. I even took 5 minutes doing the damn question, not because I suck I maths but because I was laughing at the sentence for 4.5 minutes.

I even instinctively highlighted it. With like bright yellow colours and drew a box around it. I thought that Mrs.Chong would find it funny.

Question 10b was pretty funny too.

By far... the funniest Mathematics paper I've ever encountered.

Kinect, a breakthrough in gaming technology

Sony has the PS3 and Playstation Move, Nintendo has the Wii, and Microsoft has Project Natal, recently named "Kinect" (Kinetic and Connect, get it?).

Check out the videos in the link below. The first one in particular. LucasArts and Kinect. Nuff ' said.

http://xbox360.ign.com/articles/109/1097356p1.html

However, I don't imagine I'll be playing this game "Kinectimals", where you raise a wildlife jungle cat. Dude, just look at the girl in the video below.

http://xbox360.ign.com/articles/109/1097743p1.html

Plus, Microsoft is shipping a brand, new, fully compatible glossy black Xbox 360 which is slated to be more compact and is significantly quieter. Perfect timing, I would say. Reminds me of popular people who think having their hand-phones spoil is a good thing, because they can replace it something cooler. Except in this case, I didn't throw my Xbox 360 on the ground and the 360 is, without a doubt, cooler than any mobile phone. Hell yeah it is.

http://xbox360.ign.com/articles/109/1097102p1.html

Its the best day ... eveerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Its the best day eveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer....

"Its the best day ever" - Spongebob Squarepants

I climax when songs reach their high points, which explains why I like guitar solos. Anyway, this song, laugh all you may, has the most awesome climax ... eveeeeeeeeeeeeeer! You wanna feel good about yourself, just sing along to the chorus and smile while holding "ever". It's really fun.

Mr. Sun came out and he smiled at me. Said it's gonna be a good one just wait and see!
Jumped out of bed and I ran outside feeling so extra exstatified!

It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)
It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)

I'm so busy got nothing to do, spent the last two hours just tying my shoe.
Every flower every grain of sand, is reaching out to shake my hand.

It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)
It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)

Sometimes the little things start closing in on me, when I'm feeling down I wanna lose that frown I stick my head out the window and look around.
Those clouds don't scare me they can't disguise, this magic that's happening right before my eyes.
Soon Mr. Moon will be shining bright so the best day ever will last all night.
Yes the Best day ever's gonna last all night now.

It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)
It's the Best day ever (Best day ever)
It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)
It's the Best day ever (Best day ever)
(Best day ever)
(Best day...)

So, attempting to integrate this song into the story of my life, I heard it on Nickelodeon when I returned from ... I hope you're not allergic to plants ... Orchard Road yesterday.

Well, I was watching the weekly documentary series Clash of the Gods on Friday and they were focusing on J.R.R Tolkien, and basically how his epic trilogy The Lord of the Rings set the stage for the amazing genre called fantasy, which happens to be my new favourite genre of games, thanks to our good friend Dragon Age: Origins.

And I was just, "Dude J.R.R Tolkien is an amazing author".

So yeah, the The Lord of the Rings happens to be the Bible of all fantasy books, and I, being a fan of it, thought that maybe I should read the trilogy.

And thus began my epic quest of caffeine and expensive taxi rides, from Ang Mo Kio library to the Borders store at Wheelock Place at Orchard, in search of the Holy Grail of all fantasy books.

And the Borders place was pretty awesome. Figuratively, if you imagine me as a purse-loving woman (just close your eyes real tight and imagine), it was as though I was surrounded by Louis Vuitton bags. It was ... invigorating to say the least. Just endless shelves and shelves of Mass Effect adaptations and R.A.Salvatore books.

In the end, neither of the two had the complete trilogy in stock. So, I did what any self-respecting fantasy nerd would do in these kind of situations, I bought it from Amazon.com .

LOL, that must the lousiest fantasy story in a bazillion-gatrillion years.

Joke of the day

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Fish.

Negative One! Negative Two! Negative Three!

Shit.

I'm one of those people who try to do 50 push ups to make themselves think that they are actually getting some exercise amidst the Macdonald deliveries and wind up ... hurting their back.

As my ex-NCC sergeants used to say ... Don't Geh Kiang

By the way, all English and Math homework done. Physics and Chemistry revision check. Halfway through Chemistry papers. Nothing can stop Seismic Nic. *plays the cliche superhero sound.

I'm gonna have rhyming names for myself from now on. A glimmer of light in the cesspool I call my self-esteem. Psychic Nic. Toxic Nic. Oh cool EPIC NIC !

Yeah .... I'm all out/

Other than that we're left with Gastric Nic, Chopstick Nic and anything the ends with "phobic".

Nitric Nic? Does sound pretty awesome, but given that's also a name of an acid, I'm thinking people are gonna come up with some story to make fun of my face.

Anyway, I'm introducing a new section in my posts. The ... wait for it ... Joke of the Day.

Joke of the day/dawn

So why did the Barbie doll have no hair?

...

...

...

Because the shark ate it.

Two is not better than one

You know, Twilight just doesn't know when to stop y'know?

According to Life, (yes apparently I read newspapers at 6 in the morning and blog about it), the producers behind the hit movie franchise about undead who have roast rabbit and deer for lunch, feels that it is appropriate to split the final film, called Bella catches an undead STI.... Breaking Dawn, into two films. Not one, but two films. Thats two times the bullshit.

Yeah, apparently the complexities and intricacies of Stephanie Meyer's 900-page book cannot be simply captured in a single movie. First of all, quantity does not equate to quality. I've read short stories by Agatha Christie that are a million times more profound than the franchise. Secondly, "complexities" ? Are you serious? The "complexities" of removing sweaty T-shirts I suppose? The "intricacies" of how the human body twinkles in sunlight? I've read Archie comics that are more complex.

I've read the books. I know about Breaking Dawn. (Haha, kiss it you teenage-vampire lovers who think you can use the "Don't insult Edward because you didn't even read the book" counter-argument on me). I know its all about how Bella has sexual intercourse, which is a felony in some countries, and conceives an undead child on Edward's first try. *Dude, that must really suck LOL.

So Part 1: Sex, and Part 2:C-section. Is that it?

In conclusion, this screams " Lets milk these 10-year-old girls for twice their allowance money!" Sigh, the franchise never fails to give me excuses to make petty and rather insulting remarks about it on my blog y'know.

Pride

Omg I did like absolutely no homework today and I "liked" this group on Facebook called "Lady Gaga should lend Justin Bieber her balls" and I am proud of myself.

Gamers

So I was just IGN-surfing (preview for The Force Unleashed II, due end of this year, which means I will have all the time in the non-academic world to electrify the helmets of clone troopers), and I came across this article about gamers, written by one from the IGN community and not by the editors I might add.

So his point is that, gamers seem to be the only form of fanboys who absolutely dread one another. Of course, the gaming community is commonly known to be segregated into three very distinct camps. The Microsoft Xbox 360 gamers (yours truly), the Sony PS3-ers and the Nintendo Wii players. Or in the words of some very hyped-up MS fanboys, the "Nintendo Wiitards".

And that member of the IGN community questions, (paraphrased by myself) "So why do fanboys of science fiction and comics get along so well, and gamers make petty jokes about having sexual relations with someone else's mother simply because that person made a different purchase of a gaming console?" Essentially, why do we hate each other so much?

I, myself, attribute this to two points.

One, we, like any deranged female fan of 16-year old werewolves who tear off their top apparel for no valid reason, are very passionate individuals. We love games to a great extent and have no qualms about expressing that. Some people love music, some people love Facebook games involving capturing rodents with too much cash on them, and some people love glittery vampires who look like they should SK-II models even though they are the only known type of blood sucking undead who live in sunlight. We, on the other hand, love armor-clad Spartans who save humanity from intergalactic parasites intent on the extinction of all organic life in the galaxy.

However, franchises and mega electronic companies inadvertently separate us into different groups and offer us a platform to quarrel amongst ourselves. Speaking from personal experience, insults about the other camp somehow act as fuel for our own love for our individual systems. And these statements about the weight of the opposing group's mothers are really just manifestations of our own deep passion for our own consoles.

And call me crazy, but in this aspect, this internal conflict is a good reflection of the racial apartheid in the world.

If we were to look past all the "Sony" or "Microsoft" labels and just see that we are all, at heart, people who enjoy video games as entertaining mediums, I believe none of us would have this problem.

While this was merely a simple wondering for that very member of the IGN community, it served as somewhat of a lesson to a very guilty fanboy. It made me realise that instead of making jokes about the qualifications of the Sony PS3, I should really just embrace it as a being a major part of a world that I just love to be in. Sure, fueling my own passion with insults about the other camp was fun for a time, but I realised that if I were to get to know these people and share our gaming experience, it would certainly be a more fulfilling and gratifying experience.

Spider-man 4

Check it out boys and girls.

Jamie Bell is supposedly the new Spider-man, after the franchise was set for a reboot (somehow things between former Spidey Tobey Macguire and director Sam Raimi weren't working out).

And the new villain is slated to be The Lizard , an alter ego of Dr.Connor, Peter's former mentor, whom most of you might remember as the professor in Spidey 3 who was investigating the extraterrestrial black goo.

Man, I am pretty disappointed. The Lizard is such a lame Spidey Villain. In most comics I've read, he and someone like Electro often sets the scene to show how easily Spidey ruins the plans of his villains. Dude I'd prefer to see Rhino over him any day. I was actually anticipating someone like Carnage, who is so much more ...... "Carnage"-y.

But I mean, somehow, The Lizard is, without a doubt, the most logical choice. This is, after all, a reboot with a young Spidey and Spider-man is still learning the deal with his newfound powers. Plus, the Lizard is involved with Spidey very early on. Given that his alter ego is actually Spider-man's professor in school.

Just my two-cents worth.

One life

As I croon to "One" by U2, I'm reminded of how I used to sing/scream with the NCC guys to popular songs, locked away in a humid and relatively pungent room.

What I would give to have those days again.

Heather Morris, sexy and funny

This here is Heather Morris, also known as the ditzy Brittany from Glee, a musical-comedy series that I love watching. All along, I've been chuckling non-stop at her brilliant one-liners and I thought I would post about my favourite character from the show.

Plus, she's really beautiful. Possibly The hottest girl on the show, personally. I mean, traditionally, people might think Quinn and Santana would be hotter, but you know what they say: "Beauty is in the eye of the adolescent boy jacked up on testosterone." Not only is she hot, she's amazingly funny and she sings and dances well so all that makes her the most beautiful in my eyes. Suck it, Quinn-lurvers ;D

And I think I really like blondes. Kristen Bell. Tricia Helfer. Sienna Miller. Heather Morris.

As a tribute to the gal who may be the funniest actress on primetime TV, here are some of her most brilliant and my all time favourite one-liners ...

"Dolphins are just gay sharks"

"I think my cat is reading my diary"

"A ballad is a male duck"

* When interrogated about printing a list* "I don't know how to turn on a computer"

Pictures are pretty low-res. I blame Google !

Search " Heather Morris Hot "

Don't ask me why I'm posting about random blonde women. I just printed an entire compilation of chemistry notes detailing every possible thing from the textbook and notes from school. What have you done today?

I sparkle like glitter glue in the sun

I'm living a friggin decadent lifestyle! I am truly like a mythical blood-sucking creature, not in an Edward Cullen way, but the fact that my body clock is wayward ... beyond belief. Here's how screwed it is, I've not seen sunlight for the past 24 hours. And it's not that I enjoy this kinda lifestyle, it's just really hard to change.

On the bright side, I've finished all English and Mathematics homework and I'm well on my way to completing revision for both Chemistry and Physics.

So ... take that you overly-popular "I want to waste my life writing nice stuff about others on their Walls" Facebook-ing losers!

Anyway, in light of my usual DVD routine, I felt that The Pursuit of Happyness was an amazing movie. Probably the best DVD amongst the 3 that I borrowed. Well, it's a story about hope, overcoming the odds whatever they may be and fatherhood at its heart: doing whatever possible to ensure a brighter future for your family. And the fact that all this is based on a very real man makes its all the more amazing.

I have the deepest and greatest respect for this man called Chris Gardner, whom the story is based on. He is a man that, even after setback after setback, refuses to relent in his never-ending quest for a better life not for himself but for his son. To put it humorously, there is a common saying that when you fall down, pick yourself up. For Chris Gardner, life choke-slams him into the concrete floor and bashes him in twenty times, and yet somehow he climbs out of the carnage and "spears" life from the back.

Perhaps I can't convince you of how tough it was for Chris Gardner with my rather inappropriate and overly-WWE-referenced metaphor but I'm sure the movie will.

Sending a nuclear device into the core of the closest star to Earth in order to reignite it and save humanity? Pales in comparison to the stuff this guy has been through.

Ending the darkspawn threat once and for all? Take a walk, loser.

Completing 16 Geography-based Structured Essay Questions?

Yeah, probably as difficult as the sun thing.

The Pursuit of Happyness

Today was an interesting day.

I watched DVDs last night from 1.a.m to 5.a.m. and as I began on emotional reflection after the extremely compelling and powerful film Brothers, I ... dozed off. Somehow, pondering about the conflict in Afghanistan really isn't my thing.

Then I remembered that I had to wake up early for this English talk somewhere at Raffles Place. Really posh place. They have like ....... hand sanitizers and shiny lifts. Their toilets smell refreshing. And also these large windows where you can look down on the bustling street as inconsiderate Indian men on scooters crash into the side pavement.

The lecture itself wasn't like friggin mind-blowing. Its the stuff they've been teaching you all along.

Blablabla. The class wanted to have lunch together. I wanted to buy toys. So I attempted to use my super sharp rogue cum espionage cum Assassin's Creed rip-off skills to slip away from the group unnoticed. Yet somehow or rather, even amidst the background of an extremely crowded MRT underpass, they managed to catch me sneaking into Simply Toys. I must be like the lousiest spy ever.

Anyway, I spent like 30 minutes in the store. Girls can shop for clothes for hours at a time. Nerds like me shop for polycarbonate figurines of mythical beings and genetically-mutated superheroes. Alas, with my trusty membership card of truth, I honorably purchased a 40 dollar model of an semi-crimson-brown dragon atop a bejewelled rock. It looks really awesome and somehow really, really nostalgic because I think I remember seeing the very same toy in a game designer's office as part of a field trip during Primary 6.

Yes, big surprise. I was a geek even back then.

Took the MRT back to Ang Mo Kio and talked to myself and made up silly names for interesting people I saw. The MRT is so much more interesting than the SBS Bus, I feel. Cause with the bus, all you see are sweaty black bobs of hair. Of course the occasional inappropriate couple but still ! With the MRT, you're surrounded in a giant lattice of inappropriate couples.

From there on, it was the usual 16-year-old-boy-holding-a bag-o'-toys-routine, took a bus home and dozed off until I woke up and wrote this blog post.

Oh and Kelly Kelly is unbelievably hot. :)

Why True Blood kicks Twilight's whiny ass

http://movies.ign.com/articles/109/1095010p1.html

I love IGN. Its a whole frickin community of anti-Twilight, Star Wars-lovin, video game geeks who do their best in advocating the geek chic lifestyle. I aspire to be like them.

The one anecdote about how this Twilight fan thought that Wolfman completely ruined the image of werewolves just summarised everything I absolutely detest about this overboard tween cult.

Enjoy.

Knight fall?

Oooooh, Christopher Nolan recently announced that he has the ending for Batman 3 in mind. Chilly! *shivers in a dramatic fashion

Had to wake up real early for Social Studies extra lessons today. It flawlessly combined the two things I really hate. 1) Waking up early. and 2) Waking up early on a Saturday morning .

Add a little of Twilight here and there, a Wallah, I commit suicide.

But thankfully, it was Mr Kamal's lesson, which is always pretty enjoyable to say the least. *Burst into the Final Countdown . He's still using the term Jedi Master often, which kinda gets on my nerves (it actually crawls into my nervous system and shits all over), but I've learnt how to resist clawing my own face off.

However, the the combination of ingenious teaching methods and random references to pop culture? That I love. And he wore a Flash T-Shirt, which was borderline ... really awesome.

So anyone still procrastinating one week into the holidays? Gimme a virtual procrastinator five, my man. *Five. Hey, I'm a pretty disciplined guy, but you can't blame me for not studying for Sciences as I had originally planned, when I received the Physics, English and Geography holiday papers within 3 days. Besides, Phineas and Ferb was on TV.

That said, I've completed all English work, and the miscellaneous stuff like Integration worksheets, so I really do feel I deserve my due Dragon Age time and some DVDs. By the way, I'm watching this DVD called Brothers tonight. It stars Jake Gyllenhal, Natalie Portman and Tobey Maguire. It's supposed to be Oscar nominated, but the real reason I borrowed it ( if your pop culture knowledge is as close as mine ), was because I thought it'd be cool to see Spiderman, Senator Padme Amidala, and the Prince of Persia in the same movie. Haha.

On the topic of P.O.P, did I mention how amazingly beautiful Gemma Arteton a.k.a the bitchy Prima Donna in the movie is? Good ... lord, she is hot. I officially proclaim her the most beautiful woman in the history of video game adaptations.

Anyway, the more time I spend here, the less I have to kick some serious darkspawn ass.

Later, mon fre.

Your atypical rant by an oppressed adolescent nerd

God. I really do hate homework. You'd think that I would be one person who would never say that but its the holidays people. Live Free !!!

Off the top of my head, all I really feel like doing is sleep, eat chicken rice, watch comedy sitcoms and goofy Disney Channel cartoons, read books, play dark fantasy role-playing games and watch video game adaptation movies.

Instead, I have to wake up at 8 a.m. in the morning, only to be greeted by an overwhelming wave of flatulence as I enter English class, otherwise known as the iconic Kuan Ting. Shit, I'm running out of Ambipur supplies.